Fox About Town

“Jesus said, “Shall I come and heal him?” Matthew 8:7

Lately our eldest has been looking at me with a yucky look in his eye.  He’s angry at me; untrusting.  He doesn’t believe what I say to be true and he finds a way to put down or argue with everything I say.  While some of this is the product of being five and knowing better than your mother, Grant has also recognized the mean-spirit fueling this.  He gently reminds me that I have a job as “Mom” which he doesn’t as “Dad.”  Our sons have never had a man in their lives- so the role of “Daddy” was a new one to fill- a clean slate.   The role of “Mommy”, however has been marred.  It isn’t easy for our little one to believe my words or to accept the love I give.  It is far from easy. 

We’ve discussed it repeatedly now- that Mommy is to be respected and not spoken to unkindly.  It isn’t nice to tell Mommy that she is wrong- about EVERYTHING.  Mommy wants to love you and to hold you- it makes her feel sad when you push her away…. But we’d not discussed the root of this. 

Oh Father, my son is angry.

Last night, we did.  My son sat on my lap facing me, bracing himself for what I might say to him- looking at me fearfully.  I begged the Spirit to give me words which gushed with nothing but God’s purest love. Then I told him I was sorry that other people had hurt him before.  I told him I knew it wasn’t easy for him to believe me when I said that I wasn’t going anywhere-that I would never leave him.  I told him that sometimes I will mess up, but I am going to work hard to be a good mommy for him and his brother.  I told him that I am more so, so proud to be his mom and I want to be his friend too- for us to love each other and for that love to grow bigger and bigger.  I told him that he can trust me and love me back, even if it is hard

And through tears he nodded and struggled to push out the words, “It is hard.”

His eyes registered the things I said to him and even revealed surprise that I knew those secrets about him- that he found it so difficult to accept my love or believe my words.  He hugged me securely when our talk was finished.  

Oh Lord, my son has been hurt so deeply.  

We’ll need to have more of these talks, I know.  I feel a little bit stronger and braver today about those talks.  I completed one.  Not with my words- but those inspired by Him.  I see Him healing my son more and more every day.  And I don’t even have to request healing- I just tell him of my boy’s woes and He responds tenderly, “Shall I come and heal him?” 

He willingly offers and I gratefully accept it. 

Lord, just say the word and my son will be healed.