You are my eldest. My first born. My five year old with a heart of gold. You are stronger and braver then you’ll probably ever know. I’ve known you for less than one calendar year, but from the moment I saw you, I knew you. It was like our Father in heaven had cut out a shape in my heart when I was asleep- one who’s void only YOU could fill. Oh and how good it feels to hold you close and get to be your mommy. I tell you as often as I can how happy it makes me that I get to be your mommy and you smile quietly back at me, basking in my adoring gaze!
Gigi was looking at a picture of you recently and she nailed it when she said that you have “such a quiet beauty” about you. You aren’t quiet- but your beauty kind of radiates from the inside out- so discretely, but so strikingly.
But no, you aren’t a quiet child. No, no. You love to growl and roar and sing and yell! You love to pretend- and when you aren’t pretending to be a fierce beast who roars loudly, you’re pretending that you’re a super hero. You’ll stand up valiantly, put one finger to the sky, look off into the distance and say, “Wait!...I think there’s trouble!” and then you’ll dash off to take care of whoever or whatever. Your play mirrors how you are in real life. You care deeply about those around you and what they’re feeling. You notice babies and dogs and cats and you’ll tell us if they feel happy or sad or scared. You got a pet fish for your 5th birthday, who you named Tiny Tim, and you’ll tell us how he’s feeling when you wake up in the mornings. On the days that he is sad you’ll sing him songs. You do this for your little brother too. When he is crying or sad you care for him, usually by singing (and the singing! You learn songs after ONE listen! Ver batim! You're so impressive!). Every morning, before we leave for school, while I put on my jewelry, grab my stuff and prep to leave to take you to school, you put on your jacket and zip it up, and then do the same for Bug. Zipping it up to his chin, just like he likes it.
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You have a kind heart and I pray that the Lord will only grow that in you. I marvel at the way He’s preserved that sweetness in you- but your goodness is just so woven into the fibers of who you are, you almost have no choice but to be good and kind.
You love to kiss and hug and snuggle. And oh, your eyes! Buddy, your eyes melt me every time. I long for the day when your heart is even more open and even less scared to share what you remember and what you’re thinking. There are so many stories in your pretty blue eyes and I can’t wait to hear them all. Even though some of them will be painful to share, I’ll listen and cry with you, okay? And the dreams you have to share? Sweetie, I want to hear every one and pray with you for the Lord to see those through in the work of your life.
You make us so proud.
You challenge us to stretch and to feel things as deeply and as intensely as you do. You pray with real sincerity and you speak about Jesus like the real being He is- not the character in a book some of us adults tend to make him out to be. You get it- Jesus and being chosen and loved by him. You don’t doubt or question it and you get it in the deepest, best possible way.
I will never, ever, ever forget the day I went to pick you up from school and you ran to me and called me “Mommy” for the first time. You calling me that is maybe my proudest moment. Such a crown of honor to get to be YOUR mom.
I love you, Buddy. Your
dad and I have celebrated you beyond streamers and cakes and candles. We celebrate you every single day,
Buddy. You make us so very proud. Happy fifth birthday- the first time we got
to see you turn a year older won’t be the best- I promise. We’re going to do this again and again for
years to come- and your years are just going to get better and better.
With So Much Love,
Mommy
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