...and He will give you the desires of your heart.

 

I had heard this scripture for years and years- I’m a super-churched person.  But it wasn’t until just a few weeks ago that the verse was explained to me in a different way (because as I’d understood it, if I delighted in God, He’d deliver to me what my little heart desired) which also happens to be the way that it is intended to be interpreted.  The way I correctly understand it now is, “Delight your ways in the Lord, and He will plant in you desires that are of him- he’ll give you the desires that will make your heart feel best and fullest instead of the silly desires your flesh and humanness create.” 

Say whaaaa?  Mind blown.

Over the last few weeks, the Lord has been changing my heart in some big ways. You know how He promises to give us a new heart and a renewed mind?  I’ve felt that happening- like, almost physically.  It’s weird- but not weird at all because God is always faithful and He always does what He says he will.

So this past Saturday I was at a women’s retreat with a group of women from our church as well as some other churches.  It was a powerful, powerful weekend, but it wasn’t during a time of worship or teaching that the Lord chose to show me something beautiful (Well, He did show me beautiful things then too- but this other one stands out.).  In between sessions, I was visiting with a woman I only know vaguely.  I know that she is a single mamma, has some pretty fantastic boys, has a very peaceful, submissive spirit and because of Facebook I know that her oldest son lives out of state and she misses him greatly.  So I asked about him.  What I came to learn was that she is very recently in contact with her son; he was raised by his adoptive parents.  She and her son, now nineteen years old, have been building a relationship and genuinely love one another. 

As she was answering my questions I felt my eyes filling with tears.  Not because she was sad or anything- but because as I was listening to her speak, I realized that she was the embodiment of the prayers I’ve been praying for my boys’ mother.  She was confident and beautiful and fulfilled- and all and only because of the joy she’s found in Jesus.  She spoke of her relationship with her son whom she’d thought she’d lost years before- and the expectations she had of him as an adult (which also align with what she’s sure the Lord would will for his life) and my heart leapt!  It was like I’d been given a shot of hope- a powerful drug that absolutely lit me up.  All of this time, these last five months, I’ve been praying for a heart for the boys’ mom and asking for compassion for her and asking for her to KNOW her Creator, and for God to help me with my unbelief- but I’d never really believed He’d answer!  Because I’m that faithless and silly.

But He did!  He DID answer and He showed me a living, breathing version of a restored birth mother.  He showed me just how badly I DO long for her recovery and that He had helped my unbelief, and then He went a step further: He showed me that I long for one day, the boys to know their birth mom and to see her as a healthy, repaired individual.  I didn’t  know my heart desired that!  But that’s because it didn’t before!  It does now because God has given me new desires!  He’s taken away selfish ones and replaced them with HIS plan and His perfect will- here on Earth just as it is in Heaven!  My mind is totally blown. 

I hugged the beautiful woman who told me about her oldest son and cried and apologized for my tears- but told her I was just so happy to see that God had restored this relationship in her life and I was so proud of her.  She wasn’t really sure what to do with my emotion or affection.  Sometime soon I’ll share with her how God has used her story to shape mine and that of the boys.

Gracious, though.  Isn’t He just so, so good?