Buddy and Bug

We got two new kids in our home this week.  Two little boys.  Brothers who are four and twenty-one months old.  As of tonight, they've both effectively stolen my heart.  I have tear-stained cheeks and sore calves from time spent on my tip-toes going back and forth between their rooms to watch them sleep to prove it.

The elder of the boys (we'll call him "Buddy" here) is a brilliant little light of emotion.  He feels everything and powerfully.  He's also aware of everything he feels and able to communicate it.  This is a skill few forty-year olds have, but our four year old friend has mastered it- and much to his service.  Having a child in our home older than two is very different.  Buddy is bringing to light the lessons we learned in our training regarding children grieving changes and loss.  He's made it clear that we are not his parents nor are we his great-aunt with whom he lived before.  We've seen episodes of this when we issue a simple instruction, he doesn't like it, and then proceeds to melt into a pile of sobs and tears while telling us he wants to go home.  It's heart wrenching.  We do our best to console him, tell him it's okay that he is sad and angry and assure him that we're happy to have him here and we love him- because we both do- more so than either of us knew we could.  He struggles with some words, so Grant is "Gwen" and I, (I told him he could call me "V") am "Fee".  Buddy has been perplexed by prayer at dinner and bed time and we've reveled in telling him about God, our Father who loves us and never hurts us or leaves us.  He is also, somehow, completely unfamiliar with Christmas.  It's been amazing explaining the presents, the lights and a time when we celebrate that Jesus chose to come here as a baby so He could show us how to love as we should.  The expressions on his face as he ingests this new information are some of the most beautiful images I've ever seen.  I'm sure this sounds inflammatory- it's sincere.

Buddy's brother, Bug (he's the snuggliest little bug I've ever met), is equally as precious.  He is scared of all things and all people.  He's usually pretty nervous, so we've only seen glimpses of his personality.  He was severely neglected and only started crawling a few months after his first birthday.  He has three words right now and gets frustrated at this factor.  He has a strong, stubborn personality and I have a feeling that it won't be long before he can share all the fantastic thoughts in that head of his.  I feel myself hurting and grieving for him.  Tonight I broke down and cried for all the ways Bug wasn't loved on- for the hours he was left in his car seat- at the way he doesn't request anything, but will gladly accept food or drink given to him- he was taught that crying when hungry or thirsty is ineffective.  I look forward to the day that he does the normal toddler thing and gets bossy with me for his sippy cup or his snack.  At night, I rock him to sleep and sing to him about Jesus.  I lay him in his crib and he cries out once, lays down and begins to moan.  He moans to himself over and over again until he falls asleep.  We think this must be something he's done to cope with being left to fall asleep on his own.  I can't handle it and much prefer leaning over his crib and playing with his hair until my arms fall asleep- then I kneel down next to him and hold his hand through the crib bars.  I tell him over and over again that I will always take care of him and he is safe here with us.  Bug is tiny.  He's still a bit underweight, but at the rate that he eats, we figure it won't be too long before he's  caught up.

We're in for another ride now.  A different one for sure, but another ride.

Father, fill us with your Spirit so that we can love these boys as You would.  Give us words and energy when ours are spent.  Thank you for sweet Buddy and Bug.  You've filled our cups to overflowing by letting them be in our home.  You are so, so good.