Drop Your Nets

"I am much more terrified of living a comfortable life in the self-serving society

 and failing to follow Jesus than I am of any illness or tragedy." 

- Katie Davis written in Kisses from Katie

The day that Little Man and Baby Girl went home with their Daddy (praise God for healing and restoring families!), actually two hours after I'd returned home to an empty house, I got a call from the agency letting us know about some kids who needed placement.  I politely declined.  Three hours later a second call came.  The next day was the same. And the next and the next. Grant and I had decided upon a day a week and a half out that would mark the day we felt we'd be ready again to receive kids.  As that time passed we received all sorts of phone calls-not one day passed with out one- and turned them all down.  When the day arrived, we eagerly awaited a call, telling friends that we probably shouldn't make plans in the case that we got kids.  But no call came.

Nor did it the next day.

Or the next.

We've gotten exactly two calls for two groups of kids that we are not at all equipped for- the agency only called us because they were desperate for a placement.  But earlier this week a different kind of call came.   It was from a friend of ours from church.  She's been mentoring a woman from a recovery home, and this woman recently had her rights to her daughter terminated.  Her two year old is in state custody, but her foster mom doesn't wish to adopt her, so Robyn called to speak to us about our openness to the idea of adopting her.

Whoa.  I keep referring to this event as a "curve ball" but it felt more like I felt that time I fell out of the tree in our back yard in base housing and landed on my back and couldn't breathe for what felt like five minutes.

We've inquired about this child and her agency has our information if the other two families who are interested in adopting her don't pan out.  We praise God that she is so loved and so wanted already!  We're open to learning more and to possibly adopting her, but we've reached a really relaxed place.  Just waiting and listening.

Throughout all of this, each time I find my selfish self (She's a big girl, that self.  Like, morbidly obese and extremely tall-think linebacker shape and size.) speaks up and tries to take over this process of being totally out of control of how our family is formed, I hear something else too.

Drop your nets.

It's what Jesus said to the men who'd become his followers.  Leave your work, your day job, your source of food and income.  Leave the family you know, the place you're comfortable and happy, and come with me.  Follow me.  There wasn't time in this scenario for those men to evaluate the size of their 401K and decide if they were satisfied, to regard how comfortable or uncomfortable following would make them, to slowly alter their lifestyle so that they could adjust to this new way of living- the expectation was that they drop what they were doing at that precise moment and go.  Looking back over what we've experienced thus far, I can hear it again and again.

Drop your nets.

Drop your nets.

This call has meant a lot of things along the way, all of which did not adhere to our preferred level of comfort or the timeline we'd so carefully mapped out.  But, whoa, what would we have missed had we not obeyed then and there?

Does the idea of being done with foster care for a time and pursuing an adoption (and dealing with the legal and financial implications of that-which from what I hear are a couple steps down from the "fun" benchmark) appeal to me right now?  Honestly?  No, not so much.  I want to continue foster care and let an adoption happen organically as it may.  That'd be my preference.  Right now me "dropping my net" means being open to the idea of this two year old sweetie who needs a forever home.  It may never fall upon us to pursue this, but the Lord is working in our hearts right now in big ways to be willing to be obedient- no matter what.

What if those fishermen wouldn't have obeyed?  They'd have probably lived the lives of upstanding, Jewish fisherman, in the same place, comfortable and with their families- but what about the miracles upon miracles they got to see and experience?  And the stories they heard?  And the friendship and community they shared with one another (as well as with the Creator of the cosmos in human form- you know, no big deal.)?  And the miles and miles they traversed all the while with their Lord, slowly digesting the bigger picture of who He was and why He was there at all.

I don't want to miss that stuff.  I don't want my husband or our marriage to miss that stuff.  We like adventure- like everyday, hour-to-hour, all the time adventure.  So we're gonna keep listening, staying ready and praying for strength and willingness while we wait. 

Lord, loosen my grip on what I think is mine.  

Teach me to be ready and willing to hear and obey you 

at any time.

p.s. My blog posts have begun to become painfully long- but this is the only sort of "journal" I keep now- I want to remember these things.