Ever-Changing Landscape

Forgive that I’m writing and using yet another metaphor. But I need these kinds of words to make sense of life and all that we’ve chosen. Read as many parenting books as we may, follow as many foster-parenting blogs as we do and though we’re surrounded by the support of our friends and family and church, the scape of this journey is ever-changing. There is no map. This, I know for certain, can be said for any new parent. I do not live in a haze thinking we have it harder or much different from others. As I’ve learned, every new parent is unsure, unconfident and has to work hard to adjust to the new dynamics with their partners and all other people in their lives. The only difference for us is that there are fewer books, blogs and people we know who’ve been down this type of road.

The court date for the kids has come and gone and we’ve yet to hear anything about how it went or what went on. The date at one time brought fear and dread (and tears) to us both. In just a few short weeks we have really arrived in a new place. That is an understatement. We’ve been gently placed on a new planet-that’s how far removed we are from the fear and dread. God is, as always, so gracious to us.

We had the opportunity to meet the kids’ parents when we picked them up after they spent their first night visiting back home. The meeting was highly emotional, but couldn’t have possibly gone any better than it did. The parents met us with extended hands which were quickly withdrawn when they chose to instead hug us. Their eyes were teary as they thanked us for “loving their babies so well.” They did this profusely over and over and over again. During this meeting we exchanged phone numbers with one another so that we could keep them more up to speed and text them pictures during the week. They also call most nights to tell the kids goodnight, that they love them and to get an update on the day.

These calls and texts have evolved from brief, awkward words spoken over the speaker phone to chats- like maybe one someone would have with a distant cousin or something. I see the kids' parents as people we're bound to, don’t know so well, but still love because of how we’re linked. I’ve come to think of this situation in such a way- like we are caring for my cousin’s kids because she is sick right now. I think it’s healthiest to think in these terms. Maybe the sickness isn’t physical, but there is a sickness there which needs time for healing and that is true.

Loving baby, tolerant puppy.

The kids’ mom has shared with me the ways that she has come to know the Lord through this trial. She and the kids’ dad now have a church home and a pastor with whom they meet weekly. She texts me scripture that reminds her of us and I ask her how I can pray for her. She hasn’t disclosed much about what kind of illness she is healing from, but I don’t need to know. That’s not part of my job description. We chat about what the Lord is doing in our lives and how good He is to us and I am so filled by her new fervor for our God. Grant has been privileged to have similar conversations with the kids’ dad and all I can think over and over again is, “Only in Kingdom of the Lord.” Only by His hand. Only by His grace. Only in His Kingdom would such an unlikely relationship flourish.

The newest arrangement involves the kids going home every Friday for the night and we will pick them back up at 6PM on Saturdays. This weekend is Baby Girl’s 1st Birthday and we have been invited out to celebrate with the family on Sunday afternoon before we bring the kiddos back to our home. I’m already nervous, thinking about what I’ll wear, worried about what will be thought of me and us. It’s strange! But I want the family to know that we love their kids and have no intention of infringing on their role as parents- we’re just those cousins who are caring for the kids right now while they heal. Seriously, there is no handbook for these encounters.

Keeping his eye on Grant at all times.  These two are thick as thieves.

We were SO blessed to get to take the kids with us to Texas for the week of the fourth and we’re overwhelmed at how the kids were loved by our families.  Not surprised in the slightest, but blessed by it. We know how vulnerable a position it places our parents, siblings and nieces and nephews in, to love them so willingly, the same way they love others in the family, to let them call them “Gigi”, “Poppa”, “Baba” and “Poppy” as their other grandkids do- to know that they will know these children for a very limited period of time- it humbles us to see our families love in this way, because you guys don’t have to and you do anyway. It reminds me of the sentiment a good friend and fellow foster mom expressed  before saying that God’s children are worth it. Such truth!  And I feel so blessed to know that my family GETS that.  No, I should reframe that.  Our families are the reason WE get that and that is no small thing to have had that imparted to us.

So, we cannot plan on consistency. We can’t count on a routine (which makes us both nutso). We don’t really have a good, clear way to handle a lot of things despite our case worker’s best efforts (and she IS an awesome resource), but we can absolutely count on the Lord surprising us with goodness and goodness and more goodness. And we can count on obedience to Him being simultaneously hard and well-worth the efforts. Oh, and we can count on us screwing up a lot, because we’re both awesome at that.  Like, gold-medal-winning, world-record-setting league of awesomeness.  But for the sake of a tidy ending to this entry and our adeptness to fallibility, let’s choose to focus on His goodness.