Just Let Me Scrub Your Toes Already!

I'm going to make a giant confession, and yes, I'm going to go ahead and make it here, on the worldwide interweb for all to read.  Hold on to your hat, Mom.  Here goes:  I struggle with allowing God to be God.  Yes, I know what you're thinking: But Vanessa, you're wisdom surpasses so many others'!  And although that may be very true (yes, I am being sarcastic), it does not change the fact that God is God, and I am not.  In addition, I have a tendency to get worked up over things.  In general, I'm wildly laid back-almost too laid back for  the liking of others, but occasionally I get stressed out, and my body doesn't handle it well.  Well, a couple of weeks ago, I had an awful week, chalk full of sleepless nights, ugly dreams, tears-you name it!

Sunday morning, we looked at John 13, the passage in which Jesus washes his disciples' feet and although the lesson was riveting, I struggled to keep my eyes opened, because oh ma goo, I WAS TIRED!  My attention was caught, thankfully, and I feel like a garnered something more than just kind of valuable.

Jesus, before he began to wash his disciples feet said, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."   Those words ALONE brought relief to me!  I had been crying all week long concluding that my praying for relief from my angst should have resulted in immediate peacefulness-and God was NOT delivering.  But He is at work.  It was as if he spoke those words for me!!  You mean, there is purpose in this mess?  Tell me more!

As Jesus knelt to wash the feet of Peter, Peter refused and Jesus informed him that "unless I wash you, you have no part with me."  Earlier in the chapter, the writer refers to Jesus' act of servitude as "the full extent of His love."

Unless I show you 

the full extent of my love, 

you have no part in me.

Have I been a bit like Peter lately?  Refusing what my Teacher knows I need and wants to give me? I've been working and striving to love others and to serve my husband, my friends, my co-workers...but have I been allowing my God to LOVE me? To show me the full extent of His love?  How humbling!  It IS a struggle for me to allow such service to occur-but our Father WANTS to love us!  He WANTS to love me!  I'd been disallowing that in pursuing MY plans and MY desires.

He goes on, once he's washed his best friends' feet, and says that they should do the same for others.  He notes that he FIRST set the example and NOW is time for action.  Jesus closes out this picture of love by saying, "Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." 

Wow!  MIND BLOWN.  For weeks now, my mother has been telling me that, "God disciplines those He loves."  And although she's a genius, and although the words are Biblically sound, I've refused to accept them.  My wise friends Abi and Laurel have encouraged me to understand that God is preparing me for something and this is just footwork here and now.  And although they are wise and usually right, I've declined to buy these bits of thought as well.   That Sunday morning, these separate occurrences crystalized a bit and I discovered that there were some things that God had been trying to let me in on via my friends and family.  Essentially what it boils down to is that He is God, and I am not.  He wants to Love me so badly and disallowing that is unbelievably counterproductive.  The blessings God has stored up for me will be received in serving others.  Shame on me for acting in a way that implies otherwise. But I Praise My God for forgiving me and loving me the same.  I pray that you can be blessed this week by Jesus' words.

You do no realize now what I am doing, 

but later you will understand. 

Unless I wash you,

 you have no part with me.  

Now that I, 

your Lord and Teacher, 

have washed your feet, 

you also should wash one another's feet.  

Now that you know these things, 

you will be blessed if you do them.

from John 13