Lost and Found

This summer I was a nanny for three lovely children.  Really, they were awesome.  That lovely was not sarcastic.  The youngest of the three was named Ali.  Ali Marie.  Ali is three years old and she is chronically ill with a disease called hystiocytosis.  It is a form of leukemia.  Her parents are faced daily with the stresses of test results and the maintenance her tiny body requires for the sake of cautioning against symptoms of her disease.  All Ali knows is that she has to go to "Doc-toh Bohg-man" periodically and get what she calls "pokies."  She is so experienced at this that she can even tell an experienced nurse from an inexperienced one. I know this because she told me that, "That one new nuhse, she just made a mess of my arm and I was not happy with huh."   Although Ali may be a bit in the dark about her chronic illness, she is shockingly enlightened for a child of her age.  Wise beyond her years even.

We Westerners learn a lot about the facts of life through a system we've developed called binary oppositions.  For example black would not be black without the comparison of white.  Black is the total opposite of white and vice versa.  White would not be white if there were not an opposite to compare it to.  It's a simplistic view of the world and we do it all the time subconsciously.  

Anyway, little dear Ali is gathering her insight about our planet in this same way that we all do/did.  I suppose somewhere along the way this summer her mother gave her instructions and to explain to Ali why she should abide by them, she told her that she did not want her to get lost.  They must have been on a family outing or something.  So Ali clung to this idea of being lost and linked it to all forms of disobedience.  We'd be playing on the trampoline and our dialogue went a little something like this: 

Me:  Ali, I don't like it so much when you lean off the side like that.  I'm afraid that you could fall down and you'd cry and then I would too."

Ali: Yeah, you'd cry because I was hurt and then I would be sad and I would be so lost.

Me: Well you wouldn't necessarily be lost, but you'd be hurt.

Ali: But I don't hang off the edge anymore because I don't want to be hurt OR lost.

Me: Okay, thank for following directions, Ali.

Conversations or reprimands seemed to go similarly to that.  She would hold my hand when she'd cross the street because she could get lost.  Ali would sit up in her chair when she ate because she didn't want to make a mess and she didn't want to get lost.  She developed this sort of system of right and wrong in which she could either do what she was told or suffer the ultimate consequence: getting lost.  Even the occasional bad dream she'd recount to me after nap time was flooded with feelings and images of being lost.  

Ali's verbiage and coupling of obedience and lostness really stuck to me.  It isn't a far cry from a good description of my relationship with my Father.  His love for me is by no means based on my level of obedience, but he provides directions for me because he doesn't want me to get hurt, or even worse, LOST.  

I can think of few worse feelings than being lost and separated from my Father.  The feeling of losing my mom in Shopko is still embedded into my psyche and aches a certain portion of my stomach-it was SUCH a sad and desperate feeling!  The Bible describes the Word as being a "lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Until very recently those words were little more than a good song to me, but I now understand that if I were to be walking on a dark path with only a lamp at my feet, my visibility would be limited to one or two steps ahead.  My Father designed my walk with Him to be this way because He WANTS me to cling closely to Him.  Not only does he not want me to get lost, He provides an adventure for me to go on with Him!- and a strong, confident arm to hold onto in the process!  The rules and laws He has given me are not for His gratification, but merely so that I can indulge in my epic journey with nothing standing between me and my Lord.  And absolutely, without a doubt, no opportunities for getting lost.  Thank you God, for allowing Ali to make this so simple for me!