The Blue Bunny

After we'd been liscenced, after we'd finished our classes, before we had kids, I had a rough day.  The realization hit me that in order for me to be officially deemed "Foster Mom" as I so desired, something bad had to happen in some family.  Additionally, them coming to our home would mean that there was no one else in their world, no grandma, grandpa, aunt or uncle to care for them so they were left to be dealt with by the great state of Kansas.  These thoughts burned in my mind and brought me to tears.  I felt so helpless knowing that the kids I'd grow to love were hurting and I didn't have anything at all I could do for them.  Nothing.

I shared this with my sister through my tears and she listened well and simply apologized to me for feeling so.  After some thought she suggested I buy them something special that would await them in our home.  I loved this idea-it was something I could do admidst all the millions of things I couldn't do for them at that time.

After drying my eyes I went shopping over my lunch hour and eventually settled on a sweet bunny, baby blue in color and a brown rabbit with bows stitched on it.  The latter reminded me of a bow my sister had gotten in an Easter basket one year.

In the hub bub that surrounded the arrival of our kids and the period of time it took us to begin to conceptualize actually, really adjusting to this new way of life that had found us, I forgot about the sweet bunnies who were tucked into the kids' closet.

Yesterday, I was home with a sweet toddler who'd been running a fever off and on since the night before.  Little Man and I set up camp in my bed for the morning where we watched movies, napped and I scratched his back.  The day carried on like a dream I'd had once upon a time.  You know that dream you have when you're a mommy at home, taking care of your sick baby with popsicles and hugs and letting them get away with more than you should?  It will always be a precious day to me. 

When Little Man woke up from his fever-breaking nap, he was ready for a snack.  I set him up in his chair with lunch and a movie on the lap top screen in front of him while I cleaned and organized in the kitchen next door.  Sweet guy got so comfortable in his chair that he shook his head every time I offered to get him down and let him watch the movie on the couch. Once the kitchen was cleaned I moved to the kids' room which badly needed organizing since the addition of all of there clothes and stuff.  I got to working on the closet and stumbled upon the bunnies.

I took the blue bunny to Little Man, paused his movie and squatted down beside him to look him in the eyes.

"I picked this out for you before you came because I wanted to do something more than just pray for you.  But this bunny is just for you and it's special from me.  I want you to have it and know that I'll always love you and I will always pray for you."

I don't know if he got any of what I'd said, but he hugged that bunny and closed his eyes and rocked it.  He spent a good remainder of the afternoon in his chair positioning and repositioning that bunny so he could look at it, snuggle it or sit next to it.  It really was something how he received it.  Probably the first time he received affection from me in such a way.  He has a number of stuffed animals, but I'd never seen him treat any of them quite like that. 

That day will always be a precious day to me.